Okay, not really. I’m no philosopher. I think I got a B in that class. It’s been a rough few days. My doctor gave me prednisone for my sinusitis. It worked GREAT – relieved the sinus pressure and made me feel 200% better. But it gave me horrible insomnia. I quit taking it after four days because that was just too much for one person to bear. Then Prince died. It felt like one of the few remnants of my 80’s adolescence went with him. I loved Prince. He was outrageous and fearless and didn’t give a damn about what anyone thought. And he made such amazing music. I got ridiculously sad over the death of someone I never even got to see live. What really sucks is he played in Atlanta ONE WEEK before his death. By time I found out about said show it was already sold out. I thought bummer, maybe next time. I’m sure you’ve heard it a thousand times by now – don’t wait for next time. That thing you want to do, that artist you want to see, that trip you want to take, just do it! You don’t know if there will be a next time.

Then my daughter, my baby, had her senior prom Saturday night. This is my last senior prom. Mine was…a very long time ago. My son didn’t go to his. All these milestones have passed; there aren’t many of the “childhood” ones left. Graduation is at the end of May, then we need to really buckle down and select which college she wants to attend and make those plans. High school is almost over for her. Having a child in high school is almost over for me. I’ve been looking forward to the end of the school year and even to the empty nest. Now that it’s within sight, I’m utterly confused. My grandparents had this dachshund when I was a kid. His name Hot Dog or Brownie, he answered to both. Their backyard was fenced in. Hot Dog would go out back, see the neighbor’s cat and run to the fence barking to let that cat know he meant business. It was a good thing the fence was holding him back or that cat would be sorry!!! One day Hot Dog was out front.  The cat was right there in front of him! And there was no fence! Hot Dog tore after that cat and pulled up short. The cat was three feet away, he could totally catch it, except he didn’t actually know what to do. That cat was his target, but there was always a fence blocking him from that target. Now there was nothing stopping him. Instead of catching the cat he froze. I feel so much like Hot Dog right now. The target (youngest kid graduating from high school and heading off to college) was always this elusive thing. I could see it but the fence was there. Now there’s no fence and I’m not quite sure what to do. And that is scary as hell.

My kid got sick this week and boom, I’m back into mom mode. Buying cold meds, her favorite foods, reminding her to eat, doctor’s appointment, pharmacy – all the things I’ve been doing the last 26 years. Now the target seems a little further away again, and I feel secure with the fence temporarily back in place. I know I’ll have to deal with it later, but not right now, not right this minute.

What’s that quote – Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans. Totally 100% true. There is no pause button. It doesn’t stop so you can reevaluate your decisions. It doesn’t stop because you lose your job or your spouse wants to leave. It doesn’t stop because you spent most of your adult life being someone’s mom and now they don’t need you to mom as much anymore. With everything going on around you, you still have to live your life. You still need a far out dream, that target you can glimpse through the fence. And when you reach that target, find another one. Life doesn’t stop, and neither should you.

Maybe the meaning of life is simply to make sure you live it.

https://youtu.be/CEFyP-Q7CVE