So it finally happened – I had a bad contest experience. Probably not as bad as others I’ve talked to, but bad for me. First, let me back up a few years.

I’ve been a writer off and on my whole life. Mostly off. Like most moms, I put everything else first, myself second. Kids, dinner, dishes, homework, dance, gymnastics, cheerleading, cub scouts, Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, FRG meetings (Army wife), jobs, moving to new locations…yeah. Not much in the way of me time there. And if there was me time, I usually read a book or watched TV.

Anyway, my husband retired from the Army in 2009. We left the frozen tundra of the Northeast and moved back to our home state in the sunny South. I was excited to join an RWA chapter. We never had one near any of our duty stations. The first couple of meetings were pretty cool. Met some likeminded, encouraging people. Got active on the chapter loops. Then joined the critique/newbie writer group. I hung out with them after meetings and we’d do meetups about once a month. I never felt like I fit in with them but I stuck it out because this is how you improve, right? A couple of the ladies tried to make me feel welcome but the others – not so much. Finally we turned in our synopses for group review, and our first few pages for critique. The leader of the group completely skewered me. She said my story was offensive to her faith and she could not, WOULD not read another word of it. How could I write something like that, etc., etc., etc. Her lackeys quickly followed suit. I retreated to lick my wounds. Then I was “accidentally” deleted from their loop. I took that as my sign to stay away from them, so I did. I quit the chapter entirely. And I also quit writing. I mean hey, if my work is OFFENSIVE, what is the point?!

Fast forward to 2015-16. After a couple of moves, a couple of jobs and a few major life changes, I was in a new city and decided to join another chapter. Made a couple of friends. Decided to finish this story. I used nanowrimo to finish the rough draft (which I’m completely redoing because now I don’t like it). I get the first third of the book done. Friends gave me positive feedback. But they are friends. So I decided to enter a few contests – four to be exact – and do the published author critique my chapter offered. My critique was great. She was positive, upbeat, told me what worked for her and what didn’t and encouraged me to enter our chapter contest. I start getting the feedback from the other contests. The first two were good. I didn’t final, but I didn’t expect to so no surprise there. I did score pretty high and had a lot of great constructive feedback. I expected the same from the third contest. I knew I should be getting that feedback soon. And I did. This morning. The judges tore me apart. The only positive comment I got was that I’m good with dialogue. I scored second lowest out of ALL the entries in my category, like twenty-something. One comment was I should be sure my work is contest-ready before I submit it for judging. Wow. Okay then. Ego = Destroyed.

Needless to say, I was pulled into a vortex and plunked back into 2009. I felt the same way I did then – humiliated, frustrated, worthless. Keep in mind this was 5AM and I hadn’t had coffee yet. While I got ready for work, I let Overly Dramatic Little Voice have her reign: See, I told you you’re not good enough. Why would anyone read your book over the millions out there? You should do something productive and meaningful with your time. These people don’t even know you and they HATE you! Why put yourself through this! Then it was Rational Voice’s turn: Two other contests liked what you submitted and encouraged you to keep writing. You were compared to one of your favorite authors in a good way. This story has percolated in your head for eight long years. Just spit it out, already, and don’t worry about anyone else. I listened to some Stone Sour, Shinedown, Calvin Harris and Swedish House Mafia on my drive to work. I felt better. I complained to my friend. She told me I’m awesome and I need to remember that. She’s a good friend.

So am I going to quit writing, quit on this story? Not at this time. Not again. These judges don’t know me personally. I’m sure the comments weren’t meant to be malicious. They did, however, come off that way. The judges had a five page glimpse of my story and didn’t like it, and that’s okay. And yes, I have been taking the suggestions of my face to face critique, as well as the comments from the other two contests and making changes to my manuscript. These were things that were at the back of my mind anyway, I just wanted to see how the story as a whole would fly with unbiased readers. So now I will take the constructive criticism to heart and let go of the not so constructive criticism. Why is it I can receive ten compliments yet obsess over the one criticism? Does anyone else do that?

Now I await the feedback from the fourth and last contest. Not sure when that will be. And I’m not going to worry about it! I have ten days to decide if I’m going to enter our chapter contest or not. My critiquer (is that even a word?!) offered to look over my revisions before I enter. I may prevail upon her goodwill and take advantage of that offer.

Until next time, keep writing and DO NOT let anyone get you down!