Last week was my birthday. Kind of a big one, too – 45! I notice the older I get the more birthdays become days of remembrance, thinking about my happiest and saddest memories. Missing those who are no longer here (Love you, Grandma!). Dwelling on how relationships change over time and in some cases end altogether. It’s also a day to reevaluate my near and long-term goals and how to achieve them. This is where I frequently trip myself up.

I try very hard to schedule things in my planner to make sure they get done – chores, workouts, errands, writing time, blogging, appointments, etc. However, I often miss the mark. If I was planning to workout at 6PM, but I didn’t get home until 7PM, I’m probably skipping the workout. As well as the chores and maybe some writing time. Today I got home after an hour and a half drive and was absolutely exhausted. It was so hot out I could barely breathe. I had absolutely no energy. After being home roughly an hour, I finally worked out. It was only half an hour but let me tell you it was a struggle. I did not do today’s chores and I did not get any writing done, other than this.

I took Friday off for my birthday. I had a three day weekend and glorious plans for all of it. I did pretty much none of it. I did the responsible adult thing and got my oil changed, picked up the ridiculously large bag of dog food, paid a couple of bills. My daughter took me to Build-A-Bear Workshop so I could get a Mr. Spock bear and the 50th anniversary Star Trek bear I named Captain Chaos. I even got to pay for it because she didn’t have enough money in her account!

Anyway, I set a lot of writing goals for my long weekend and didn’t even boot up my laptop once the entire three days. So much for goals. I don’t know why I’m avoiding so much. I don’t know what it is about people like me. At work, writing groups, with friends – if a goal is set I will not only meet it I’ll usually finish the project early so I have plenty of time to review. But setting a personal goal just for myself means nothing. There isn’t a consequence for not finishing my latest draft. I won’t lose any money or get in trouble or let anyone down. I mean, how do you get past that mindset?

So once again I need to sit down and work on my goals and come up with a method to actually meet them. I seriously don’t know how people with full-time jobs and families make this work. The Universe knows I’m completely failing at it.

All in all, it was a pretty good birthday. I made it through another year stronger for the challenges I faced and I’m thankful for that. No matter what, I hope I’m here to celebrate next year’s birthday, too.